That last quarter of the 2022 was especially challenging for Damian and I. It was one of the hardest seasons, emotionally, that I had been through in probably 16 years. There were multiple reasons, but I told Damian, “even though this is hard and we have to take the time to allow ourselves to mourn, process and heal, I am so excited for what God is going to do for our future!”
God has blessed my marriage immensely. He has lead us through and given us so much love, grace and opportunity over the last 22 years that we have been together (15 married). We have not done everything God’s way. We did not wait until marriage to live with each other and we have not always sought the Lord on every aspect of our lives. We are faulty humans, just like everyone else, but we have always loved the Lord and found our way to Him time and time again. I recently had an especially hard time in my relationship with Jesus after I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s 5 years ago and it has taken me years to restore that.
BUT, I am blown away at how good our marriage is despite these things. God has given us so much to be thankful for despite our shortcomings. Despite the things that needed restoration. It was something I wasn’t aware of and only something my husband could share. But after being tormented for several months, he finally released it to God, and I knew it was going to change everything. I just didn’t know how. I also didn't expect so much change in one year’s time. I knew that because we experienced so much goodness in our lives, that once we were fully vulnerable to the Lord, it would unleash His power to work in us and through us.
It has been a transformative 14 months to say the least. But really, two years. With joining Atmosphere Church, and finding quality, Jesus-following friends, both of us have grown so much spiritually. I am so thankful for what God is doing at and through Atmosphere. Our time here has been life changing, to say the least.
I don’t know if you are like me, but there has always been a part of me that hasn’t been able to give up leading the way. My personality is prone to wanting to stay in control of all things! And do things my way! I used to say, “I always get what I want.” I achieved my goals, created the kind of life I imagined and have always believed in my ability. I know it has been part of my own journey this year, but in tandem with Damian’s, that I have come to this place of being not only willing, but comfortable and at peace with him taking the lead of our family and our future.
I went for a hike one day last May in the private trail that went through our neighborhood. It’s a place all of us love to go, but I enjoy my quiet time alone with the Lord there often. I cried. I cried out to God asking what He wanted me to do. Asking if leaving CA was a good idea. Asking if Damian was right. And I felt in my spirit God whispering, “it’s time for you to let go of the wheel. You don’t need to be in control of this. You need to let go.”
So, is this adventure we are on only about Damian dictating where we go? No. It is a team effort. We pray about it daily. But he is leading the charge. Leaving California was an idea he let sit in the back of his head for several years. We can’t really remember, but I’m pretty sure going to Italy for 3 months while we don’t have a house payment was his idea. I am believing for and continue to pray that God gives him more good ideas. That he continues to be equipped to lead our family. And I am happy to stand behind him. Because through constant prayer and conversations, for the first time in our relationship, I feel secure in not being the one who is pushing us. We are more of a team now than we have ever been (I believe the key to this is keeping God right smack in the middle of the two of us).
I have no idea what 2024 has for us! But for the first time in the last 5 years I am hopeful for what’s to come!