We did it. We bought the big house and remodeled the entire 3600sq ft. It sat on 0.9 acres in Westlake Village, one of the nicest areas in Southern California. We had beautiful plans for the backyard. It was the most special place for the kids to play. Our previous house was all concrete with a pool and it would make me so sad that the only dirt my 2 year old could play in with his trucks, was the bed of roses in the front planter. I wanted my kids to feel like they had space to play. I wanted space to breathe.
I wanted to feel like we had accomplished something. That our house showed it. It was never about creating a space to show off. I wanted a beautiful space for myself. I wanted a space that everyone could enjoy and feel at home in. And we did that. That house held so many people. From family gatherings to book club meetings with homeschool moms to Bible studies with our church to doTERRA meetings, kids play dates, time with friends, it was full of love.
We finally bought nice furniture and beautiful art. The bedrooms weren’t fully pulled together, but everyone loved their space. Micah even had an en suite! In hindsight, that may have been a bad call! Privacy to him means when he is in the bathroom, no one can be in the adjoining bedroom. He had a nice 3 year run, but now he will have to adjust to sharing a bathroom again.
We put the time and money in. It took 11 months of renovations before we could move in and then of course, it still wasn’t done. We picked out every fixture, countertop, floor. I wanted it to feel grand. We enlarged the front door to match the high ceilings. I like feeling small in a big space.
We also joined a country club. Damian could play golf whenever he wanted and the kids liked to swim there. He had always wanted to be a part of a club.
We had always said we would just make more money to live in California, arguably the most beautiful place in the country. But after putting so much into our house, and still needing to do the backyard, and having a couple low economy years, we started asking ourselves if that’s really what we wanted.
Our house ended up taking more of our income than we liked. We ended up, for the 3rd time in our marriage, in credit card debt and loans for the remodel. We knew better. We are students, coaches and advocates of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. We made some foolish decisions.
But, I am grateful for all of it. Through the last two years we have learned that material possessions do not hold value. They really don’t bring you lasting joy. For a moment, yes, but they don’t change your day to day. I want to be able to spend more of my day with people, listening, helping, encouraging them, than I do spending my time worrying about my income or working because I have to. I want to live below my means so that I actually have mental freedom.
The country club fell flat too. It is filled with old men, who play golf everyday and drink through it or after so they don’t go home to their families. It’s pointless and lacking purpose and meaning.
It may have taken us a little while to figure this out, but I am so glad we are learning it at 39 and not 59. I don’t need to big house, the car, the club or the things to be happy. I need my husband, my children and God. I want to do more with my minutes on earth. I no longer want the big yard and house to take care of. Whether you have help or not, it’s still managing more. My kids don’t care either. They are just as happy (or irritated with one another) living in 1500sq ft as they are in double. It really makes no difference.
At this point I want to shrink my space, but grow my person. I want experiences. I want to reach people. I want to free myself up so God can use me more. Letting go of these possessions. I do not think there is anything wrong with nice things (I’m sure I’ll still buy nice furniture), but I do believe it should be done with cash and without attachment. The house was beautiful, but in the end, it’s just a house. It’s the memories that are precious. The people that matter. I know I can create the same loving hospitality wherever I go, in whatever home we choose.
And it’s not about making less money. It’s about using what we have differently. Being more mindful of what we spend our dollars on. And thinking more about our future. I would rather pay cash for a smaller home, so we can be free to travel when we want. I don’t want to be paying a mortgage for the rest of my life. At least not a sizable one. I want to have money in the bank so we can give when we feel led. So we can provide dinners in our home and experiences for our friends and family. So we can take the weight off others.
We will not make the same money mistakes again. We are diligently praying against that. But like Damian has said over and over, it’s just different this time around. Our hearts are in a different place and we are committed to changing our behavior.
Like Dave Ramsey says, "personal finance is 20% head knowledge and 80% behavior."